Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Micah's 3rd Birthday

"Somewhere safe."  It was the basis of my most distinct and most impossible feeling of intensive care. I wanted to yank out all the wires and tubes, snatch my baby up, and run far far away. Somewhere he was safe and healthy. Where all I needed to do was rock him and whisper sing to him during the night.  Where all he needed was food and snuggling, not Iv's, dialysis, or blood transfusions. 

Instead all I could do was wait. And pray. And wait and pray some more. Time there functions differently than in real life. It was startling to realize that life for everyone we knew was continuing as normal because life had paused inside that hospital. Things I had never considered consumed my world.  Would the ammonia counts stay down? Would he come out of his coma? 

 Every beautiful spring day still reminds me of those weeks in the hospital.  The sun shone. The birds sang. The window in Micah's room in the B-Pod overlooked the Ronald McDonald house where we had a room. We didn't stay there much. We spent nights in Micah's room listening to machines beep and tube-feeding formula, talking to nurses and watching Micah sleep. The night pace is much slower. I learned to read all the machines Micah was hooked up to; it almost caused me to have a heart attack when he started having arrythmias and we were the only ones in his room. 

The pace of the nicu may not be soothing to a mama's heart but somehow God uses it to heal small bodies. I used to sit in the rocker beside his bed and cuddle him, determined to figure out how to do whatever was necessary to help him stay healthy. Place NG tubes, mix formula, count leucine. I didn't care what we had to do as long as we got to do it.  

And we have gotten to do it. Today he turns three. That piece of my heart in little boy form. My miracle that I almost didn't have.  He grins as I kiss his face and runs up behind me for a hug. He rests his head on my shoulder before I tuck him into bed and my heart skips a beat capturing the moment. Thankfully, he's had few complications from IVA. Yes, there have been plenty of doctor's appointments, trips to the ER, visits to Cincinnati, and clock-driven gtube feeds.  But God has blessed him with amazing health. And I wouldn't give back anything I've learned for a smoother experience.  Instead I thank God every day that he's still here. 

Happy Birthday, Micah! 

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