Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Mind and Marriage

Sometimes thoughts pop into my mind and I let them slide away instead of grabbing onto them. One of the most noticeable one for me is the "what if Micah didn't have IVA? What if I could just feed him pizza when Justin's office goes to Pizza Hut for a birthday lunch? What if we could all grab an ice cream cone on the way home from church? Imagine if he could just eat the chicken nuggets!" That's the most thinking that I've ever done along that line because it does no good. All the thinking, wishing, hoping in the world won't change the fact that Micah has IVA. Why torture myself by even considering it? 

Now I don't expect that your five-year-old has IVA but don't write me off yet. Maybe you are considering what life would be like if you had married someone else. If you weren't attached to this person that shares your home.  If you had married someone who was your soulmate. Maybe you're not so sure about your choice anymore. Now unlike Micah's IVA you could change this but you shouldn't. 

The problems in your marriage are at least partly settled in you. If you leave this spouse and go on to another one you take all of those problems with you; you won't have solved anything. A different man might not have the same problems your husband does but he will have problems. He might not be any easier to live with. You can't know. 

You don't want to do that because God says not to. (Obviously I'm not talking about abuse or rampant, unrepented infidelity.) God commands that marriages are for a lifetime; He joined you together (Mark 10:7-9). You are in direct disobedience to God when you seek that route for something easier. Do the work where you are. 

Maybe you didn't marry your soulmate. Maybe none of us did. Can you find that topic in the Bible? I think our culture made it up because we love fairy tales. Maybe you think did marry your soulmate but your soulmate is still an imperfect person just like you are. Forget the soulmate nonsense. (I'm such a romantic, aren't I?)

Look at the person you married. That is your man. That is God's will for your life even if it wasn't the choice you should have made at the time. You can't go back and fix that but you can choose what you do now. Look at that man and choose him. Choose him with his problems. Choose him with those annoying habits. Choose to love him. Choose to accept him. 

When those thoughts come up that you should have married someone else, let them glance off your mind and go right on. Remind yourself (yes, I'm saying talk back to yourself. You know you're crazy already) that it's not true. You are where God wants you. God is doing something in your life and in your husband's life. Remind yourself that another person would not solve the problems but only create new ones. 

You can't control what thoughts pop up but you can control what you do with them. You don't have to constantly fantasize about being with someone else. You don't have to admire what other members of the opposite sex look like or what house you could live in. That brain is yours. You be in charge of it. 


  1. Hi This was an awesome and encouraging post. I am in a difficult marriage. This has given me a new perspective. Thank you so much. Our God is an awesome God!

    Joyfully in Jesus,

    1. Sharon, I'm so glad this spoke to your life; thanks for letting me know! I'm praying for you.