On My Bookshelf: Children Are Wet Cement

I love to read. I'm usually reading multiple books at one time so I can digest more of the content. Of course most of my fiction reading has fallen by the wayside since I have two children who seem to require attention :) 

Most of my reading now is centered on my work: mothering, marriage, homemaking, godly femininity. Continuing education is a requirement in most fields.  Why would I not try to learn more about my life work? 

I've been rereading Anne Ortlund's Children Are Wet Cement the last couple of weeks. I have no idea where I bought it as you might guess from the sale sticker on the book. 

She covers quite a few topics from how you talk to your child to how you discipline all all from the viewpoint that everything you do leaves an impression. 

My favorite point she made about small children and discipline is that you should discipline according to the sinfulness of the action, not the irritation of the action. Some things are just childishness that will be outgrown and should get a much smaller reaction than things that show the root of sin that will damage all of their lives. 

I'm sure I wouldn't agree with all of Anne Ortlund's doctrine but this isn't a book on doctrine. It's a book on children; and a good one at that. Especially if you can find it for a dollar. But if not, you can find it here. 

And you can always check out the other books I've been reading here. 

When You're a Grandmother

Micah never met my grandmother. Justin neither met her either. For that matter, I barely remember her because she died when I was three. It's some of those memories where you aren't sure if you really remember it or if you've heard the stories so many times you think you do. My papaw married again and I grew up with a fantastic step-mamaw. 

The lady that built our home eventually turned the garage into a master bedroom. Our master bedroom now. Its door opens into the hallway between the kitchen and the laundry room and I can see beautiful sunsets out our bedroom window during the summer. 

But my grandmother quilted. And as her grandchildren were born she gave each of them a quilt. I have one and it hangs on the bedrail at the foot of our bed. Quite often in the evening while I'm cooking dinner Micah is playing on the bed under the quilt. He pretends to sleep and wants me to cover him with it. 

photo courtesy of photokanok/freedigitalphotos.net

I saw a saying on social media that went like this, "Yesterday's grandmother could bake, quilt, and cook. When we are grandmothers all we'll be able to do is take selfies." (Despite my best attempts I could not find it again.) While I think this might be a slight exaggeration we are losing something very precious in our generation. Work. Creativity. Character. 

In previous generations most women loved husbands, raised children, cared for their homes, used their talents to benefit others, and left legacies that impacted families for generations.  Today, we take selfies, post the details of our lives on social media, and go on journeys to "find ourselves."  See the difference? We should be living for others. Instead we are consumed with self. 

And it does consume us. It consumes our lives and burns away into smoke and ash. We will find that we have done nothing meaningful. Life lived for self is wasted. "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it." (Luke 9:24) 

It's easy to get caught up in what everyone is doing. It's normal for our generation to seek to "find self" and "do what makes you happy." But we shouldn't be basing our decisions on what society does. What does the Bible say? The Bible says to forget self. Take up your cross DAILY. (Luke 9:23) Not on Sundays or days we feel like it. 

There are verses in 1 Timothy that speak about a lady of "grandmotherly" age. 

"Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work." 1 Timothy 5:10

None of those works are about her. But what are our goals for when we are 60? Does it really matter what our facebook makes our lives look like?  Does it really matter how many raises we get or how many people applaud us?  No. Those things mean nothing in the light of eternity. What will matter?

-what kind of wife were we? 

-how did we mother? 

-who did we care for? 

-who did we lead to Jesus? 

-who did we encourage? 

-how did we work? 

In other words- The things that matter are the things no one notices. 

No one sees you spend time with your husband. Loving him. Appreciating him. Encouraging him. Submitting to him. No one sees the effort and prayer you devote to raising your children. How you teach, love, discipline. No one notices the cards you put in the mail to encourage others, the hours you spend soul-winning, the bus kids you point to Jesus. No one applauds you for consoling your children in the night, letting someone cry on your shoulder, lifting up loved ones in prayer. No one comments on the thousands of meals you cook, the rugs you vacuum, the dishes you wash, the diapers you change. 

But Jesus sees all those things.  And all those things are going to make up your legacy. What your husband remembers, what your children remember, what those who know you remember. Maybe I won't leave quilts for my grandchildren but I do want to leave something that matters. 

What you are doing today makes up part of who you will be when you are sixty. Your work matters. And your today is your work. 

Friday Favorites: Don't Leave Anything But Sweat?

Now did I draw you in with that title or what? Either that or I totally repulsed you, in which case you probably aren't reading this anyway. 

Life{in}grace had a beautiful post on doing your best work. And my favorite quote was this one:  Don’t wait until someone important shows up before you do your work well. Although the "don't leave anything but sweat" one was awesome too. 

So while you're pausing from your best work you can see my adorable little boys! 

Don't you just want to kiss that little face? 

Anything Micah does, Kevin has to do :) 

Happy Weekend! 

Better with Age: Walking in Confidence

A few nights ago my husband and I took our boys to a basketball game at the university where my husband works. As we left at halftime they were playing a song with the lyrics, "I live for the applause." I contemplated that concept as we walked to the car and was saddened by the insecurity displayed by those words. What happens when people are no longer applauding? When she's not Number One anymore?

When we live for other's approval we will always be insecure. There is no sure footing there because people change. There is always someone better. Someone more edgy. Prettier. More talented.

The only way to escape insecurity is to have confidence. Certainly we can't be confident in ourselves. We have already established that, if we do compare ourselves to others,  we might not measure up. So where does our confidence come from?

"For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken." Proverbs 3:26

Our confidence comes from God.  Specifically our confidence comes from being obedient to God. It's not enough to claim random promises from the Bible and say that we live in them. We have to obey what the Bible says. Proverbs 14:26 says, "In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge."

Part of the fear of the Lord is obedience. Obedience is strong confidence. When we are walking in obedience to God we aren't living in our own ideas. How could we know they were really better than anyone else's? But God's ideas surpass any others that we could find.

photo courtesy of lkunl/freedigitalphotos.net

When we are living in obedience we can deflect criticisms of our marriage or child-rearing. We can rejoice in the knowledge that God made us just the way He wanted us and we don't have to be like anyone else. God has given us what we need for our race.

A lady with confidence in her God can love others instead of competing with them. She can work hard where God put her instead of envying a different lifestyle. She can stand firm in her convictions instead of doing what everyone else is doing.

Want to walk in confidence? Walk in obedience.

Accomplishments Take Time

I made a peppermint sugar scrub for myself a few weeks ago. When I used it for the first time I loved how it made my skin feel soft and moisturized. Then I noticed all the rough skin and dryness that hadn't been helped by it. 

Um...I had used it once. Maybe I should use it consistently for a few weeks before I expected to have more dramatic results? 

We live in an instant society. Instant coffee. Microwave meals. Drive-through restaurants. Next day shipping. On-demand television. Obviously there are perks of this "instantness" but there are some serious drawbacks as well. We expect everything to happen now. We want what we want when we want it.

photo courtesy of gregory szarkiewicz/freedigitalphotos.net

We all want to be brilliant nuclear physicists after a semester of gen ed's in college. We want to be an accomplished pianist after three months of lessons (and little practice). We want to speak a foreign language after fifteen hours of instruction.

Accomplishments take time. Maybe coffee and television can be had on demand but the important things can't. Marriage isn't instant. Marriage is built of years of growing together, denying self, building memories. Raising children involves years of praying, disciplining, spending time together. Friendships form from years of shouldering the tough times and celebrating the good. 

Playing an instrument takes years of consistent practice. Learning a foreign language takes time and practice. Building a home take time to learn, to implement, to retry something that didn't work. 

Instantness doesn't get us far when it comes to the things that really matter. Maybe something you're doing isn't working out for you right now? Don't quit. Some things take time. 

And not just time; maybe you need to change how you are doing things. My favorite definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Don't quit; change what you are doing. It's easy to coast by doing the same thing you've always done but that won't bring the change you desire. It will be more comfortable but comfort will not get you to the finish line that you're picturing. 

Don't like the results you are getting in your marriage? Go back to the Bible and fomd principles to follow. Don't like the results you're getting in your child-rearing? Find the answers in the Bible. Change what you are doing. 

Don't like the results in your homemaking? Change something. Learn and then do. Read blogs. Read books. Ask ladies who run nice homes what they do. Keep trying until you find something that works. Don't just quit because one or two or fifteen ideas didn't work. 

Don't like the results you're getting with your writing, your music, your art? Change something!

Whatever you do, don't quit. 

Friday Favorites: Links on Comparison

Apparently I'm not the only one contemplating how insecurity and comparison affects our lives. This is a ever-present reality for women and it's hard rooted. It takes time and effort to throw it out of your life.

photo courtesy of dan/freedigitalphotos.net

Ruth, from Gracelaced, speaks about creating and comparing yourself to others.

And there are two great articles about comparison from GirlTalk.  Because "what is it to you" what anyone else is doing?  And there is always "that woman."

Go and follow Christ wherever He has put you this weekend. He will give the wisdom and grace you need for your race.

Better With Age: The Root of Insecurity

Most of the time I'm pretty comfortable with who I am. (At least compared to previous stages of life. I'm sure I'll look back on this and laugh.) But I only stay in this spot by monitoring my thoughts and speaking truth to myself when I get out of line. I have friends in different stages of life and with different skills and I cannot compare myself to them. I cannot compare myself to "her." 

Isn't that the root of insecurity? Comparison? 

I look at her and I see what I'm not doing. 

I look at her and see something that I'm not. 

I look at her and see a skill I do not possess. 

I look at her and see a stage of life I'm not in. 

Why am I looking at her? I am supposed to run my race and she is supposed to run hers. I don't glorify God by comparing myself to her. I don't love her by comparing myself to her. 

photo courtesy of imagerymajestic/freedigitalphotos.net

Comparison makes me proud or depressed. There's no in-between. So why do I compare? In the hopes of making myself feel better. I compare so that I can "win."  And then I'm proud and self-important. Sometimes I don't win. Then I'm depressed and hopeless. Comparison is an empty trap. If you don't quit comparing you will always be insecure. 

Perhaps the most important person to stop comparing yourself to is the perfect you that you visualize. You know the one you'd like to be if you got to remake yourself. Perfect hair. Perfect skin. Perfect size. Perfect skills. Made to impress. But what if we're not here to impress? What if we're here and we're just flesh and our role is to glorify God? Perfect me doesn't need God. Incomplete, struggling me needs God. 

Insecurity will destroy your opportunities and your relationships. Insecurity will leave you unwilling to serve for fear of being criticized. Insecurity will leave you unwilling to love for fear of being inferior. Insecurity will leave you unwilling to hold your standards for fear of being disliked.  And the main way to leave insecurity behind is to stop comparing. 

God has a special plan for your life. And for her life. They are not the same plans. You don't need to be the same person. Surrender who you are to God and stop worrying about what she is doing.