A Letter to My Boys about Love

Dear Boys,

With all the media hubbub circulating I've read some about 50 Shades of Grey. I haven't watched the movie or read the book and I never plan to. I hope you never do either. However the chance that you'll make it adulthood without some kind of exposure to that or something just as vile seems small. So I want to tell you a few things.

A real man never takes advantage of a woman. (And vice versa too.) Your strength is to help, not hurt, others. Your manliness is a gift from God to benefit others, never mind what people say about it. Being a man is good and real and important. When you meet the woman you love woo her. Marry her. Protect her. Make her safe in your love and in your presence.

Love sacrifices itself, not the other person. Love doesn't demand the other person submit to claims that harm her soul and her body. Love doesn't settle for sex that only fulfills one person or drags the other person to the pit of something that feels- something that is- unclean.

Words matter in love. It's not enough to keeps your hands from violence and her body be safe. Keep your words from violence and let her soul be safe. Love isn't safe; it's scary. But scary for you, not for her. Love is scary for you because you are responsible, because you could lose her. Love should not be scary for her because you might hurt her.

You gain nothing by making her feel small. Build her up. Encourage her. Believe in her. If you can't do those things, don't marry her. Don't ask her to entrust her future to a man who can't see the gift that she is. At the same time, choose carefully. It's your future too.

You are her protector. You defend her from the world. You defend her from evil. You certainly make sure that evil toward her never comes from yourself.

I have never once worried that your father was going to hurt me or make demands that broke me. My love is safe with him. He would lay down his life for me and we both spend our lives, every day, for one another.  Be a safe place. Even when being a strong, steady man doesn't seem flashy- when it doesn't impress others- don't change. Those people aren't worth impressing and you will destroy your own self in the attempt.

Real love may never make the movies. It may not gain thousands of followers or fans. It will never be a life in the lights. Real love is lived out in the daily work of building a marriage and a family. Of becoming two people who are better together than they are alone.

Any of us can become something ugly. Any of us can step aside from the life God has called us to and become like the slime of the world. But you don't have to. Stay close to Jesus. Follow your daddy's example.

I love you.

Mom