A Winter Wellness Plan for Winter Haters

Fall has a few bright spots: football games, scarves, changing leaves. It stops about there. Let's face it. Fall is just the harbinger of winter and I hate winter. 

Winter should come for one week a year; the week of Christmas would be ideal. Let's have some snow and hot cocoa and bundle up in cute coats that are a pain in the car and take twenty minutes to outfit our children in cold weather clothes to go outside. Clothes that they can't wear in the car so you take it all back off after you walk the fifteen feet to the car door. 

Winter is dark and gloomy. The sunlight is gone by five and you can't go play on the playground after dinner and it's too cold to romp back to the cemetery and collect walnuts and leaves and rocks and sticks. You can only run around the circle between the hallway and living room so many times before you start to go crazy and your hip starts to hurt so you have to at least run the opposite direction. 

The holidays are a bright spot in winter. I'll admit before someone accuses me of being a Scrooge. But there are a good three and a half months of winter after my birthday at the first of the year. Then there are no more parties and excuses for cookies and people turn off their Christmas lights. We should just make the lights a thing all winter. Can we agree to that? 

Since we can't just have that one week of winter but must endure months of it, I'm developing a plan. Don't worry, the plan definitely includes not whining about winter to everyone who sees me. I think I've gotten it out of my system now. 

Time is changing this weekend; to me that signals the start of winter (I realize that's not the official sign). I do have one advantage this year over last because I am not having a baby this weekend. But I made a few of these notes last year when winter was ending: I worked hard to make winter work for me even with a new baby. I plan on doing the same this year- just without the new baby. 

First two guidelines and then a few ideas I've been compiling. 

1. Move to somewhere warm and tropical.  Nice thought though. 

1. You choose your attitude. Even when it's cold and gloomy outside you get to choose what's on the inside. I help myself by staying in my Bible and exercising regularly. Also not literally becoming a hermit because winter coats are a pain. 

2. Have some goals. Give yourself a purpose. Don't flitter around the house all day doing nothing. Write the words, do the homeschooling, practice the instrument, read with the kids, draw the pictures. Whatever your thing is, do it regularly. Keep yourself in a good rhythm of life. 

I've been making a list of winter activities that will get us out of the house some and keep us focused when we're home. Here are a few of them: 

-Make a list of activities for the evenings: playdough, play ball, kindergarten games, coloring
-Bake bread or donuts or cookies (also- avoid the scale or workout more)
-Share the baked goodies with others
-Pick a "donut breakfast" morning- bonus points if you invite friends
-Complete a few home projects
-Eat out a few times a month
-Try one new recipe a week
-Invite people over for dinner
-Go on dates (without the kids)
-Set some winter goals (This was crucial last year and really jump-started the work I've done this year.)

Justin is coaching a basketball team this year and we'll be going to practice and games with him. The boys love it and it occupies those long evenings. Double winner for a winter activity. 

Do you like winter? How do you manage if you don't? 

Recovering the Princess: What Royalty Really Means

Everyone loves a Disney fairytale, right? I do but I don't. I actually have considerable problems with fairy tales- starting with how some of the princesses are spoiled brats. Jasmine anyone? (Although Alan Menken's music is fabulous in that movie.) Not to mention that I listened to a Popcast podcast about fairy tales and most of them come from very dark stories.

I don't have any daughters so I don't have to worry about the princess obsession. I'm not sure how I would handle it but I do know part of the problem is the "princess mindset." You're not here to be waited on. Royalty doesn't mean you get everything you want or do whatever you want and people just fawn over you and life's great. 

Take Princess Kate, for example. Oh wait, I mean Duchess of Cambridge (how awesome of a title is that?). Princess Kate does not get to do whatever she wants, go where ever she wants, say whatever she wants. She is well aware that everything she does reflects on the royal family and she conducts herself in a way that honors them. Her concern is for the reputation of the royal family and for the good of the British people. (Either that or she wants to keep the Queen off her back but let's give her the benefit of the doubt.)

We don't have to claw for the status of princess. We are royalty. 1 Peter 2:9 says, "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light. " We are a royal priesthood; that's what God thinks about you. You are chosen and royal- peculiar too, in case you were getting a big head (that just means different, not weird. Don't be weird and blame it on Jesus). But that royalty doesn't mean that we are to be waited on. We are to be following the example of Christ who came to serve. "But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant." Matthew 23:11. 

That means it's not about us. We aren't waiting for people to make a big deal over us. We aren't waiting to be recognized or applauded. We aren't demanding our way. Instead we are forgetting self. 

As royalty, everything we do should go through two criteria. 

1. Does it honor God? Does this make the royal family look good? When the world sees me do this do they know I'm a Christian? And if they do, how does that change their view of God? Titus 2:10 admonishes us to adorn the Gospel or make it more appealing. Do we? Do others want our lives, marriages, families, work ethic, attitudes? Obviously these things are never perfect but do we offer anything different than what the world does? 

2. Does it help others? Just as royalty is supposed to look after the good of the people of their country we are to serve others. Jesus came to serve: He washed feet and touched lepers and had time for the least of society. Our desire as Christians should be to love these around us that Christ loves. If it doesn't help anyone, maybe we shouldn't do it. Our motivation shouldn't be applause or fame but a genuine desire to point others to Jesus. 

Royalty means you work hard. You deny yourself for the good of others. You screen what you do through the view of representing someone else. You hold yourself to a higher standard. It's not just about us.  Let's act as princesses today. (Actually I like queen better, don't you?) 

Do you have daughters? How do you handle the princess issue? 

How I Stay Inspired

With small kids, everything happens at once. Sometimes when I start cooking lunch I spend twenty minutes alternating between fishing some scrap of paper out of the baby's mouth, taking a child to the potty, correcting another child, changing a diaper, getting someone a drink, and moving the baby away from whatever "dangerous" spot he's found. And all I've done for lunch is turn on the stove. 

It's easy to feel overwhelmed in a house full of small children no matter how much you love them. As my children get older and I've been mothering longer (funny how those two go together) I'm learning ways to stay filled up instead of just pouring out all day. 

I know this is a touchy topic. Should moms pursue "me time"? Do we spend every minute in service to our family and think we can do it happily because we love them and love Jesus? Moms are still women first. It's hard to nurture anyone else when you are running on empty.

Of course there's a caution in this. When I want to run away and escape I have a problem. No rest will be enough, no vacation will cheer me up if I want to be released from the responsibilities that God has given me. 

Carolyn Mahaney said that the point of rest was to strengthen ourselves for service. And the point of this recharging is to better steward the talents and opportunities God has placed before us- whether it's motherhood or some other work. 

So how do I recharge or fill back up? 

1. Spend time in the Word. Read it. Soak it up. Let God speak to your heart. This is what I need more than anything. 

2. Read good books. I'm always reading books about marriage, mothering, homemaking, writing, creativity, and sometimes even business. I need that spark of ideas and the reminder of why I do what I do. 

3. Write. Even if it's not for public eye writing helps me understand my beliefs. Writing about my thoughts helps organize them and captures a fleeting picture of life. 

4. Have real conversations. Real conversations preferably aren't interrupted by texts or Twitter and center on more than the weather or the latest trend in scarves. 

5. Do focused work. For me this looks like piano lessons and my art project. Just getting out of the house to wander around Wal-Mart wouldn't be as helpful. 

Tomorrow on the Uniquely Woman podcast I'm interviewing Tori Gillit and we discuss inspiration and social media and how she stays inspired. Be sure to download the episode and leave us a rating and review once you listen! 

What do you do to recharge? How do you stay filled up in the midst of your responsibilities? What are your thoughts on motherhood and womanhood and managing both?

Self-Esteem and Glasses

(Obviously we have to start this with the obligatory self-esteem discussion. This is not a tribute to just believing in yourself and how awesome you are. But we can't deny that what we believe about ourselves shows up in how we present ourselves and how others view us. Disclaimer over but I would love to have a conversation with you about self-esteem. Leave a comment or hop over to IG or Twitter.)

One summer during junior high I got a clothing catalog. I don't remember the company or any particular clothes but I do remember colors and an aesthetic that assured me that I too could be beautiful. I wasted too much time that summer browsing that magazine and comparing my appearance with glasses to my appearance without glasses. Time that I can never recover unfortunately. 

I got glasses in the first grade because I couldn't see the board. Seems that it's hard to learn that way and that it caught my teacher's attention. I got my first pair of contacts when I was a freshman in high school. Trust me when I say that drastically improved my physical attractiveness, mostly due to the style of the glasses I was wearing. I religiously avoided wearing glasses in front of people for years. But sometime after I had Micah I developed an eye problem and I can't wear contacts on a regular basis. 

So the glasses are back. I've always had a bit of an ugly duckling syndrome (as has every female I've spoken to). I don't know if you feel like this but I think my appearance has improved as I've gotten older. I could dig up some old pictures for you, but really, why? It was only after college that I (semi) learned to fix my hair, learned some makeup tricks, and started to develop some style. Am I being a little harsh on myself? Probably- but not much. 

When first I started wearing glasses all the time I picked a pair that seemed the least noticeable. My goal was for them to be almost invisible. (Honestly my goal was to be as invisible as possible too.) I took them off for pictures and felt less attractive in them. But somewhere over the past year things have changed- I've started to pick up a little confidence. 

I don't believe that physical attractiveness is the issue in self-esteem. You can't really change how you look and what's the standard for beauty anyway? Instead I started to find confidence in doing what God's given me to do. Proverbs 3:26 says, "For the Lord shall be thy confidence." Instead of looking at the woman beside me and comparing myself to her I could just run my race. 

How we look or how much money we have or how talented we are doesn't matter in life unless we are surrendering all of that to God. But once we give those things to God the less concerned we are with how we present ourselves means the more we have to give to the people and to the work. 

When I was at Influence Conference I had this same conversation with another woman. She felt like it was easier to hide in the corner so she tried to help herself out too. I've been working on my posture: back straight, elbows out instead of tucked in an effort to take up the least amount of room imaginable. Look people in the eyes, smile, speak up. Clean yourself up and then forget about it. You can do that when you've put in some effort. 

I have a long way to go with this but it is working. When I went to pick out glasses this year I knew exactly what I wanted. 

Before it was "I have to wear glasses so let's make them as least noticeable as possible." This time it was "I have to wear glasses so let's rock it out." ("Rock it out" is my new phrase. Let's do it with enthusiasm, passion, and muscle.)

I love my new glasses but you know what I've discovered? 

Nobody else notices you. They get a "air" of who you are. Confident, insecure, vain, others-centered. Very few people have noticed my new glasses. We could help ourselves by remembering that no one is paying attention to us because they are focused on themselves. 

So all those things that you don't like about yourself? Few people notice. The things you would change aren't even a blip on anyone else's radar. Forget them.

While it sounds spiritual to say our appearance shouldn't matter and we shouldn't care, we all know that's not real life. At some point we each have to go deeper than how we look on the outside. That's what's worked for me. I do my best to look nice and then I do the work God has for me today. There's a strong confidence in standing where God put you.

I think we mention in almost every podcast episode that it all comes back to our personal walk with Christ. And by all I really do mean everything. Our confidence, our joy, and the grace we extend to others (and hopefully ourselves) all overflow from our walk with God. I always picture Ephesians 3:19 like a teacup and saucer. We (the teacup) know God loves us which enables us to be filled with the fulness of God. Then guess what splashes onto everything around us (the saucer)? God's love. 

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Ephesians 3:19

What's been your experience with self-esteem? How do you describe it and what's your story? Leave a comment or hop over to social media to tell me.  

The Start of Friendships

We have some friends over regularly. The kind of friends where you don't worry about whether you've gotten the kitchen cleaned up before you sit down to eat or if the kids ask to sit on their lap before they have cleaned their plates.  I usually make carnitas and we sit around the table shoving our faces full of tasty pork and toppings while we discuss work and family and vacations. 

That friendship is precious and deep and it's lasted almost ten years. And it all started one day in college. 

I can still picture the office where I stood by the printer filling out my timesheet.  I tutored in the Academic Resource Center at our college for scholarship requirements and for workstudy money and I was there a lot. A girl I barely knew struck up a conversation about the Resident Assistant interviews we had both participated in the day before. 

That day I didn't know what we were starting. I didn't know that we would stand in each other's weddings. I didn't know that they would sit with us in the NICU watching our son battle for his life. I didn't know that we would share meal after meal, dreams for our futures, spots in crowds at graduations and ceremonies and fireworks. I didn't know that we would start yearly traditions of collegiate volleyball games, vacations at the beach, or summertime swimming in their pool. 

Of course I have other friendships and I don't remember their definite beginning. It was just one interaction after another. While I can't see the outcome I do know that I'm better every time I step outside myself. When I leave the black hole of "What will they think of me?" and instead ask, "What do they need?" I shift the focus from me to them. It's not an easy thing to walk up to someone new. To go to someone who might think you are strange, someone who might be a little quirky themselves and put your hand out. I've been burned doing this. There have been people who have entered my life and it didn't work out well. But I'm still better for having done it. 

Friends aren't going to drop in our laps. If we want friends we have to be friendly. And to find those close friends we are going to have be friendly to a lot of people.  But beyond ourselves and finding new friendships, you've been the new person. Isn't life easier when someone steps up and introduces herself? When you have a face and a name and a number to text in a new city? When you have someone to bring you food after you have a baby? When you have someone to go with you to that doctor's appointment or college graduation? Be that person for someone else where you are. 

I've been places where I've felt excluded. Sometimes I'm still not sure where I fit in, what my "group" is. While that used to bother me I'm learning that it's a valuable part of my life. Instead of having my group I'm talking to this person and then popping over to ask this woman about her sick kid, her aging parents, her brother that's in jail. My circle widens as I care about others and their lives instead of just my own. 

It all starts with, "Hi, my name is Lisa." I don't have to have a speech or a witty saying or an impressive fact about myself. A simple "Hi, what's your name?" works fine. 

Natural Childbirth- And All the Possible Disclaimers

This is a post I was leery of writing but was encouraged to by several friends. It's not a birth story but men, be warned, it's close. Birth is intensely personal. Most women go into it making the best decisions they can and then moving on with whatever happens. I find that most natural birth stories imply that's the best way to give birth so let me offer my disclaimer. 

I don't care how you have your babies. There are no varying degrees of womanhood that hinge upon the method of childbirth you choose (or have by necessity). 

I choose to try no meds with the first for three reasons. 

1. They leave that epidural in your back. That is totally freaky to me. Also they can have side effects, however rare they are. 

2. I tend to react in strange manners to meds so why add that possible complication to labor?

3. I didn't want anyone to have to tell me to push. (Ok, that was really a reason for #2 and #3.)

Now are there occasions when I would have an epidural? You better believe it! And a c-section would be very welcome in a medical emergency. That's why I prefer to be at the hospital even though I don't like everything about it.

I don't frequently bring up natural childbirth but I've had conversations lately with several women who wanted to attempt it. So here are some ways that I make labor and delivery more doable for myself. (And please, none of this is medical advice. I delay at home in labor as long as possible and it drives my husband crazy.  You might not should do that. Follow your doctor's advice, ok?) Here goes.

1. Keep it quiet. I want everyone to be quiet and leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Don't ask me questions. And certainly don't turn on the tv. (Some people really like music during labor. I'm afraid I would never want to listen to it again.)

2. Keep it calm.  I do not like to have people in my room. Although I'm relaxing about this- I actually let a student stay when I had my third. But less people equals less noise. 

3. Don't tense up during contractions. Purposefully relax even your big toe if you are tightening up. None of the dramatic hand-crushing tv scenarios. Sorry. 

4. Breathe slowly and deeply during contractions.  However I never did the lamaze breathing. 

5. Don't lie on your back. Nothing makes contractions worse than being on your back, especially if you are having back labor. 

5. Be nice to your nurses. It won't kill you, even if you are in labor. They won't mind if you don't chat it up or if you wait to answer a question until a contraction is over. But be kind. They are there to help you.

6. Pray. A "Jesus, help me" during each contraction will do. You don't have to get all flowery or eloquent. 

7. Remember "this too shall pass." Seriously, contractions come and go (back labor not so much though). You will eventually have that baby. Labor is not forever. 

This is obviously not a comprehensive look at labor and delivery or natural childbirth or anything really. I should include thoughts like "enjoy one of those popsicles before you get in transition and don't want one." Or "stay home and distract yourself for longer than you think is necessary because anything is nicer than hospitals and iv's before you have to do it." But I'll skip all of that. If you want to discuss more- email me. 

Give birth however works for you. I do know it is miraculous to realize what actually happens. A small human has grown in your body and you're about to hold him in your arms. Congratulations, Mama! 



P.S. Even though it's not the best quality picture, that is my absolute favorite mama picture up there!

And p.p.s. Don't say, "But it was all worth it, right?" especially if you're a man. It makes me want to punch you in the face. 

What We Need Instead of Girl Power

Even though we're mostly ignoring the myriad of other issues I have with girl power songs, I'm going to state a few of them here. Number one, why on earth are we always almost naked in the music videos? Are we really still presenting ourselves as sex objects? Feminists, we're moving backward here. And number two, what about boy power? I have a husband and three boys and they are all pretty rad. Ok, moving on. 

Of course there are people with a prejudice toward women. I've met them. You've met them. But I've also met people with a prejudice toward boys, white people, black people, skinny people, fat people, short people, and tall people. Get the idea? You can't live by these people. You aren't defined by them. You don't have to prove anything to them. 

If we know what God thinks we don't have to care about what anyone else thinks. God thinks enough of me to send His Son to die for me. (John 3:16) So I don't really care if you don't like me. Or if you think I'm "just a girl." The ground at the cross is level. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28

Girl power is only a shadow of confidence when we could build our lives on what God thinks about us. Here are two things we need instead. 

1. We need to know Jesus. 

I hate to break the news to our generation of special butterflies, but we're not special. There's over 7 billion people alive on the earth right now and you're probably not that awesome. I have nothing to offer on my own. John 15:5 says, "for without me (Jesus) ye can do nothing." 

I don't have anything awesome to offer my husband, children, friends, or neighbors just in myself. I can't even consistently get out of bed with a good attitude on my own. But the Bible tells me that I have the same Spirit in me that raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 8:11). 

It's not me; it's Jesus. Ephesians 3:20, "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us," If I want to have something to offer anyone, it's won't be in my own specialness. It will be Jesus. Because I'm not smart or wise or spectacular. 

I can understand why girl power songs appeal to unsaved women. We all need something to believe in, a confidence to build our lives on.  But I'd rather believe in Jesus than in myself. 

2. We need to do the work. 

A lioness doesn't announce to the jungle that she's going to roar and wait until everyone is paying attention. She just roars, and trust me, everyone else notices. If you know Jesus and you do the work, people will notice. You will stand out because that's not average. 

Am I saying there's not a place for societal change? Of course not- Rosa Parks, for example But we would accomplish more collectively if we each did the work in front of us. Forget platforms and names and do the best work you possibly can where ever God has put you. Single or married. Kids or no kids. Working, stay-at-home, work-at-home. 

There's a great story about a man who bought a field and it was covered with rocks and brambles. The man spent years clearing it out in spare hours around work. When he had  a flourishing garden, a neighbor stopped by and complimented him on the work that he and God had done. The man replied, "You should have seen it when only God had it." 

Of course that's tongue-in-cheek but it proves the point. You have to work. You want to be recognized for special contributions? Make special contributions. And parading around in your underwear is not a special contribution. It's not enough to proclaim you are a champion. 

See a need? Fill it. Find work that needs done? Do it. Offer up yourself to better your neighbor. Give when you aren't getting anything. Serve the unlovely. 1 Timothy 5:10 says this about the type of woman we want to be: "Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work." 

This is America. If you want to succeed, you can. Even if you're a woman. Even if you meet someone who tells you otherwise. You are not less because someone else says so. We should spend less time talking about how awesome we (think we) are and more time doing the work God has given us. 

Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find? Proverbs 20:6

Follow our Savior's example. We become great through service. "And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:27-28) We don't need girl power; we need God's power. 

Stop worrying about roaring or running the world. And find some better music. 

“Do all the good you can by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.”

How Truth Is Important in Friendships

I had a phone conversation with a friend a few weeks ago. (I do occasionally talk on the phone even though it's one of my least favorite things.) This friend has three kids six and under and one on the way. She confessed, somewhat timidly, that she needed some time out of the house. She's there constantly: homeschooling, working for church, supporting her husband and she needs some breathing space. I replied, "I was there six, nine months ago." I think she was relieved. Relieved that it wasn't just her. Relieved that she wasn't a bad person, a bad Christian, a bad mom, a bad wife. (Now of course life for Christ means sacrifice. I don't mean that  you go around focused on you. But we can do a few things to stay sane.)

That conversation made me realize how important "me too" can be in relationships, in friendships, in real life. 

Saying "me too" may mean speaking the truth even when it's not pretty. There's nothing to be gained from trying to present yourself as perfect. It's not true and it discourages the people around you. They think "nobody else is struggling with this; there must be something wrong with me." That's not true. Maybe you haven't had the same problem that someone is entrusting you with but surely you can somehow empathize?

You can ask questions to draw them out, maybe even allow them to better understand themselves instead of shutting them off. Questions like, "Why do you feel that way?" "When do you feel that way?" "What do you think would help it?" "What does the Bible says about that?" "Have you prayed about it?" God cares about the tiniest detail of our lives and He wants us to bring it to Him (1 Peter 5:7).

I want to be a safe place. I don't want to speak what others have told me. Not behind their backs and not twenty years down the road. I want to rejoice with those that rejoice. I want to grieve with those that grieve. I want to speak the truth in love. I want to serve with compassion. I want to pray with urgency. None of this, "Well, that's just because they are stupid." 

Maybe it was a stupid thing to do. Maybe no one taught them any better. 

A lot of this involves keeping my opinions to myself. So many things don't really matter. That's why I haven't blogged about natural birth (although I'm considering a post). I've had three natural births; I have something to say about them. I've talked to people in person about them when they've asked. But it's not that important. It doesn't matter one hill of beans if you get an epidural or if you end up needing a c-section; you make that choice for your situation. I have my reasons for preferring natural birth and that's all there is to it. 

Being a friend may mean speaking the truth even if it's not the nicest thing to say. Now I'm not condoning being rude but I don't want to be a friend that just agrees to be nice. I think I'm going to quit trying to be nice actually; it's a bad goal. Instead I want to be loyal. I want to be compassionate. I want to be genuine. I want to be enthusiastic. I want to be Biblical. But not nice. 

Nice is too easily twisted into what I think they will like, what they will be impressed by. That's not where I want to operate from; I want to operate from the principles of the Bible and nothing else.  Sometimes that means telling friends things they don't want to hear. Sometimes that means opening up about problems in my own life and not pretending about where I am.  

Friendships are important and I want to do them well. Where does speaking the truth come into play in your friendships? 

Why I'm Not a Fashion Blogger (Or What I Wear)

Yup, you read that right. This post is about my clothes. Not because I just want to show you my clothes- I've discovered I don't like taking pictures of my outfits- but it's been requested. It's taken several weeks longer than I intended just to pull together pictures! 

I'm no expert on fashion or clothes. However, I do know what I do. So here are my hints. 

1. Know what you like. What looks good on you? What you are comfortable in? These are probably the same once you start investigating. 

What styles do you like? For me- pencils and maxis are my favorite go-to skirt styles. Wear opposite styles on top and bottom. If I wear a pencil skirt, I wear a looser top. If I'm wearing a maxi, I'll wear a more fitted or structured top.  

What colors do you like? My wardrobe is ridiculously neutral right now. But I like jewel tones in the blue/purple/dark pink colors and they aren't really in right now. I don't wear pastels. I don't wear neon. If it's a great shirt and you don't like the color, don't buy it.  You won't wear it.  (You can get by with crazier colors in bottoms because they aren't next to your face.)

2. Have your standards. Everyone has dress standards even if they say they don't.  Know what yours are.  I could wear a lot more clothes if I changed some of my standards but I'm not willing to do that. For example, I'm on the search for dark denim knee-length pencil skirt. I've found several but they are all about 22 inches long and that's just way too short for me (I'm almost six foot tall). So I'm still looking. 

3. Shop sales. I got some really cute shirts at Old Navy for under five dollars apiece right after Christmas. Penney's has sales frequently and I bought a few things there a couple of weeks ago. Those are the two times I've been shopping since at least October, probably before that. 

4. Have a list of what you are looking for to fill in your wardrobe needs. Don't buy something just because it's on sale. Know what you want and need and save your money for those things. Don't buy things that don't fit or you don't like just because you're worried you won't find anything else. 

5. Accessorize. I've only recently been working on this.  I'm bad about not wanting to spend money on accessories but they do give you an ability to rematch things. Scarves and necklaces are especially versatile. They really give a finishing touch in my opinion, just like lipstick does to your face! (And I don't wear anything besides earrings at home.)

6. Wear what looks good on you, not you best friend. Your height, coloring, body 
shape, literally everything makes a difference here. Admire your friend's clothes... on her. 

I've been really working on everyday outfits. I want to look pulled-together at home but still ready for life here with potty-training, cleaning, and playing outside. I want to be ready to go out at a moment's notice or have people drop by without embarrassment. It's just as easy to throw on a cute top and bottom as it is sweats or a ratty t-shirt. (Unless you're working out, then by all means.) Since Micah was little I have thought almost every day "What if his g-tube comes out and we have to run to the hospital?" Weird, I know, and he doesn't have the g-tube anymore but the thought's still there. 

Personally I repeat outfits. I don't wear a different outfit every day. I buy the same top in different colors. (My husband assures me that this doesn't make me boring but I'm not too sure.)

So there's my take on clothes. Simple but tasteful is what I'm going for. I've even included some pictures because I love you. A few of the outfits are church outfits, not everyday outfits. 

The Type of Woman a Man Needs

In all the hubbub about 50 Shades of Grey (which seems to have died down now that it's not new- what a short attention span society has) a friend of mine posted on Instagram, "Don't be a woman who needs a man; be the woman a man needs." I've yet to find anything in Scripture that contradicts that. It's said that a wife is a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). It's said that it's not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Nothing is ever said the opposite way. 

"Don't be a woman who needs a man."  Now woman was made for man (1 Corinthians 11:9). There is a natural desire in women to want a man. But women need to be complete in God first. When we make our focus anything besides God we end up with something warped and cracked and broken. 

In our quest for women's submission or women's rights we have forgotten something. Women aren't to submit to men- just to their husbands. Then they join in the ranks of those that submit to their pastor and their boss or whoever by reason of position. We are told about our differing roles in the church but that doesn't make us less than men, simply different. 

A woman who finds her confidence in God is a scary thing. She can walk in submission to her husband as an insecure woman cannot. She's not challenged by God's order of things or her husband's strengths. A woman who finds her confidence in God can bless her husband because she isn't concerned with what others think about them or their family. A woman who finds her confidence in God is able to bless other women because she isn't intimidated by their gifts and talents. 

"Be the kind of woman a man needs." What kind of woman does man need? Society has all sorts of strange answers for that question. But a man doesn't need a sexy woman, a high-society woman, a career woman, a trophy wife. Marriage goes so much deeper than the skin. The Bible tells us what kind of woman a man needs.

1. A virtuous woman. Proverbs 12:4, 31:10. A virtuous woman is prized and rare. Virtue is sometimes described as excellence, moral goodness, femininity (or masculinity in males). In our androgynous society this type of woman stands out. Do you embrace your femininity and your calling as a woman? You do not have to be like a man to do great things. God made you a woman. Embrace that. Take to God your troubles and difficulties about womanhood and watch Him work in your life as He has worked in mine. 

2. A gracious woman. Proverbs 11:16. She retains honor just like the Proverbs 31 woman is clothed in honor. There is honor in being a woman. It's an honor that we can take from ourselves when we act in ways that are unbecoming. There is plenty to be said about grace and being gracious. It is a characteristic of God. It shows itself in kindness (Ephesians 2:7) Grace accepts others and makes them feel at home (Ephesians 1:6). Gracious words come from wisdom (Ecclesiastes 10:12). Wisdom is a hallmark of the Proverbs 31 woman's speech. A gracious woman is an abounding woman (Ephesians 1:8) When we are not gracious- when we are careless with others, judgmental, unwelcoming, loose with our words- we lose part of the honor of being a woman. 

3. A meek and quiet woman. 1 Peter 3:4. It may surprise you what this verse actually means. After all Moses was the meekest man, remember? It doesn't mean a doormouse woman who sits around with no opinion or viewpoints and never talks. It means a steady woman. Even, predictable in emotions, not given to extremes. It means she doesn't incite riot or offense. She's not stirring up trouble. She's calm inside and toward others. We can be that type of lady. 

There is so much more said about women in the Bible. We'll be unpacking more later but I want to end with one thought. 

You know what kind of woman it's never said that a man needs? 

A beautiful, size 2 woman. 

Certainly there are mentions of women in the Bible being beautiful. Sarah was beautiful. Rachel, Esther, and Abigail were called beautiful. But that's about it. It's never said for a man to look for a beautiful wife. It's never commanded for a woman to strive to be beautiful- actually it's said to matter very little (Proverbs 31:30). I'm not advocating neglecting our appearance. I think it's important to God, ourselves, and our husbands; but it's not most important. It's not even on the radar of importance. I would like to do less judging of others based on their outside and look on the inside instead. 

Being a woman is a privilege. Therefore, like all privileges, it has responsibilities. Let's be the kind of woman that God sets out in His Word. 

To me, a lady is not frilly, flouncy, flippant, frivolous, and fluff-brained, but she is gentle, she is gracious, she is godly, and she is giving. You and I have the gift of femininity...the more womanly we are, the more manly men will be and the more God is glorified. Be women, be only women, be real women in obedience to God. Elisabeth Elliot

How Having a Sovereign God Affects Our Emotions

All sorts of interesting things happen at the eye doctor. I find it even more intriguing because I can't see it from an outside viewpoint. So last time I finally asked a question I had wanted to ask for years. "Does that instrument actually touch my eye?" I usually chose to not think about it and simply sit there but this year I asked. The eye doctor looked at me for a few moments and then said, "Yes, it does. And I only told you that because you asked so calmly. If you had been freaking out 'DOES THAT TOUCH MY EYE??' I would have denied it all day long." 

That encounter cracked me up but it told me something: we don't do ourselves any favors freaking out. Out-of-control behavior doesn't benefit anyone. Of course there's the "hysterical female"  stereotype. You know, the one that says that women can't be calm. The one that says we have no choice but to yell, or sob uncontrollably, and be incapable of thinking rationally about anything in a crisis or when something doesn't go our way. 

I don't believe this has to be true. When Gabriel came to tell Mary that she was going to have Jesus you don't see her wringing her hands and yelling, "Oh my goodness! What does this mean? How am I going to explain this!!" Esther didn't get all hysterical when she found out Haman's evil plan. Ruth calmly went to Boaz to ask for his protection and marriage. Abigail followed a well-thought-out plan when she went to David to beg forgiveness for her evil husband Nabal. 

Our belief in a sovereign God that guides our lives and holds the universe and eternity in His hands is what calms our hearts. Esther knew that, as Mordecai said, she might have come into the kingdom for such a time as this. She knew that God was in control. He had a plan and she could trust Him. Jael didn't freak out when Sisera showed up at her tent. She won the victory for the whole nation. Deborah went boldly into battle because she knew that was God's will. 

This doesn't mean we won't feel strong emotions. We will find ourselves in situations where it would be natural to panic or succumb to fear and uncertainty. But we don't have to be guided by our feelings. Feelings take over when all we see in a situation is ourselves. 

We don't need some great confidence in ourselves and strong self-control. We simply need to see our lives in light of what really is. God holds everything in His hands. He knows everything. He controls everything. He is always at work in our lives. We can trust Him. 

That knowledge allows us to be calm during crisis. That knowledge allows us to control ourselves enough not to scream "IS THAT TOUCHING MY EYE!?" That knowledge gives us strength when life tries to topple us over. 

When we see beyond ourselves to a God that sustains and leads us, we can step into each  moment with inner strength. We can find comfort knowing that God is not surprised and He isn't confused. We rest in His certainty. 

5 Things Young Women Need

So many messages bombard women today. It starts when they are young and only increases as they are confronted with movies, billboards, magazine covers, and secular culture. The few pop songs I have heard lately have grossly offended me as a woman.

So what do young women need to know? What do they need to do? Surely we don't have to buy into the pop culture of immodesty, immorality, laziness, and self-centeredness. 

It's always better to go to the Bible than to the world when we are searching for truth. Let's look at just five things that young women (or people of all ages!) need.  

1. To pursue a strong relationship with Jesus. The only way to walk in confidence is to walk in obedience to God (Proverbs 14:26). As a believer in Christ, you can know the truth about yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14); you are chosen and royal (1 Pet. 2:9); you are God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10). 

When you know the truth about yourself you are freed from the lies that your worth is determined by your appearance. When you know the truth about yourself you are freed from the need for the approval of men. (Pro. 29:25). When you know the truth about yourself you can encourage other women. You are not in competition with them. 

2. To know the truth about your appearance. Your body is the temple of God (1 Cor. 6:19). God inhabits you at salvation. God made you in your mother's womb (Psalm 139:15). The Bible plainly states that "beauty is vain." What is most important about a woman is her spirit or who she really is. "A woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised" (Proverbs 31:30).

3. To understand your place in eternity. God made each of us for an eternal work. We were made for His glory and He formed us. He made each one of us personally (Isaiah 43:7). We are each called to surrender our bodies in service to God. (Romans 12:10) Life is simply not about us. 

4. To pursue skills. We are capable creatures and God has a work for each of us to do. Learn to DO things. Don't be content to be a ditz. It's not attractive and it devalues you. Learn to balance your budget, change the oil, make some bread, cook dinner, dress for an interview, entertain children for a few hours, deliver a presentation. There is really no excuse to not learn; you can find almost anything on the internet. (See Exodus 31:1-6. God gives His people skills to use to serve Him.)

5. To get to work. Go to that work that God has given you (1 Corinthians 10:31). If you are in school, learn as much as you can. Be the best student that you can be. If you're working, learn the skills you need for your job and do them with excellence. If you are single, married, or dating, pursue Jesus. You will not receive the validation you need from a boyfriend or spouse. Be the wife your husband needs. Encourage your boyfriend to serve Jesus. 

There is so much more to being a woman than our physical appearance, our relationship status, our salary, or our social position. We have a place of influence that we can use to spread the Gospel in our own neighborhood and around the world. Use it! 

5 Reasons I Dress Modestly

Once upon a time I did a little informal poll. (And by that I mean I asked three friends the same question.)  I wanted to know why they tried to dress modestly. Two of the three said they didn't want the wrong attention of men. All three of these ladies are gorgeous ladies; I can see why men would find them attractive. But I was a little surprised at their motivation for how they dress. 

 Our ultimate motivation must always stem from a desire to please God.  I don't dress modestly for men because I'm not responsible for them. There are some men who have trained their eyes to move and their thoughts to redirect no matter how scantily clad the woman is. And then there are men who could lust after a nun. Nowhere in the Bible when Jesus addresses lust does He give men an out if a woman is immodest. It's never even mentioned. He simply mentions their responsibility for their thoughts because of their relationship with God. 

Now obviously we are not to be a stumblingblock (Romans 14:13). We are are not free to do whatever we want without thought of how it affects other people (1 Peter 2:16, 1 Corinthians 10:23). Don't worry, I'm going to briefly mention the men's issue again in a minute. I just want the primary motivation for godly dress to be right. 

The Bible actually only says a little about dressing modestly.  1 Timothy 2:9 uses the phrase "modest apparel." (We also know there is such a thing as immodest dress from Proverbs 7:10.) So if it's an arguable point, why is how I dress such a big deal? 

1. I am God's daughter, a royal child. If it would be inappropriate for Kate Middleton to dress certain ways, why not me? 

2. My body is sacred as the temple of God. He lives within me. 

3. I respect myself and want the respect, not the stares, of others. 

4. I believe that my worth is a lot more than what my body looks like. 

5. My nakedness is a gift to my husband, no one else. 

As in all things, when I obey God He blesses abundantly (that includes those men I said were responsible for themselves). Not only do I have the blessings of obedience but this almost-exclusively skirts-wearing girl (threw that in there, didn't I?) gets "ma'am-ed" a lot by men.  When I get second glances in public it's because someone is counting my kids (three, just three) not because my clothes barely cover my body.

Read this next statement closely. I don't care what you wear. I'm not trying to lay down my standards to be yours. Ok, we all good there? You dress the way you believe God would have you to.  I wear skirts because if I wore pants my motivation would be to look good in them. And I don't mean in a nice way. As my blogger friend Phylicia says, "How holy can I be?" should be the question. 

Since I mentioned that I wear skirts I might as well tell you why. I love that skirts cause others to assume that I'm a Christian (at least where I live). I've had people ask me where I went to church and if I was a Christian solely because I was wearing a skirt. 

I also love that skirts are distinctly feminine. In our increasingly androgynous society I want to embrace my femininity. I love being a woman and the gifts and callings that God only gives to women. 

I hope that wearing skirts draws little attention; it's not a major point to me. But at the same time I want the fact that I try to dress like a lady to bring honor to Christ.  I know that dressing like a lady draws attention; you've probably noticed that too. That's ok. I'm cool with what I'm doing. We're all going to get attention for something; why not make it something that points to Christ?

What motivates your dress? Share it with me in the comments! 

(The day I edited this post I read two other interesting blog posts about modesty and dress. You can read them here and here.)