Finding Time to be Me in Motherhood

Motherhood is time-consuming. I don't know this for a fact but I've heard that the smaller the children are the more time-consuming they are. All bets may be off if you are planning to homeschool though. Who knows? But I have found that it is important for my mental health to pursue being an adult while I am also mothering. If I lose myself in mothering I lose it all. I lose my focus on my marriage, personal growth, and even being the best mom I can be. I am a better mom when it's not the only thing I do. 

(One of my new books and a sketch I worked on over the weekend)

Due to schedules and lifestyle I don't get out a lot by myself. And that's perfectly ok with me.  What time my husband is home I want to be here too to spend it with him and the boys. But I have been looking for ways to pursue interests and develop talents while I'm home. Here are five I practice on a regular basis.

1. Make my time with God first priority. My goal is to read my Bible before my boys get up. Does this always happen? No. And it's even harder when there's a new baby but it's still my ideal quiet time. But I've let the boys watch tv while I read. I've let them play in the yard while I've sat out there and read my Bible. Make it happen. I also read a little and journal before bed too. 

2. Listen to podcasts. I have become obsessed with podcasts! I listen to sermons and the rest are mostly about motherhood and blogging. It's a great way to learn while you're cooking, cleaning, fixing snacks, and wiping noses. But be prepared because sometimes children are loud enough to drown them out. Oh, and I love to download a few and listen to them in the car too! 

3. Practice piano regularly. I take 45 minutes almost every morning to practice piano. My boys are used to this and they play in the living room while I practice. Is it uninterrupted? Of course not, but it is progress. 

4. Write during quiet time before I take a nap. I recently lengthened quiet time a little to make this possible. Writing is how I process what I think and how I feel. I need to be writing down the things I'm learning and studying in order to grow and remember and have material for the blog. It doesn't write itself! 

5. Read. It's almost always non-fiction and just snatches at a time. My fiction reading is almost non-existent although I did read the first chapter of "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" the other day. We'll see if that goes anywhere. I read about mothering, homeschooling, homemaking, Christian womanhood, music theory, etc. And it usually is literally pages at a time but it adds up quickly if done consistently. I've referred to it before as my own personal graduate school. Just without tests. Well, at least written ones. 

Do all of these things happen every day? Actually, almost. The writing is the least consistent and then piano is 5-6 times a week. I've found it makes a profound difference in my attitude toward myself, motherhood, and life in general. Pursuing personal growth does not have to be put off just because you're a mama. It definitely changes with new seasons of life and looks different for every person though. 

And I should note one other thing: give yourself fully to whatever work is before you. If it's hours before bedtime or quiet time or naptime or quitting time, write down reminders of what to do later and then give yourself to your work now. Give yourself to those children or patients or customers or whoever God has placed in your path. 

Have you found there's a disconnect between yourself as a person and yourself as a mom? What is one thing you can do to "be an adult" while you're concentrated in mothering work? Or what do you already do that helps you?

Learning Takes Time

When Polish pianist Ignace Jan Paderewsky played before Queen Victoria, he won her enthusiastic approval. "Mr. Paderewsky," she exclaimed, "you are a genius." Paderewsky shook his head. "Perhaps, Your Majesty, but before that I was a drudge," he replied, alluding to the number of hours he spent practicing every day. 

I'm learning- slowly- to play Canon in D on the piano right now. It's so slow progress because my practice time is limited and divided among several endeavors. But I'm working on it and measure by measure I'm learning it. 

Of course a more experienced pianist would have no problem with this song. But it's not really fair to compare my four years playing experience (as an adult) to someone else's decades of playing, is it? We all start as beginners. And we slowly practice and learn and get better. 

photo courtesy of stock images/freedigitalphotos.net

This isn't just for playing the piano. It's true for mastering any new skill really. And yet I often forget this when I'm teaching my children. If I need time and practice to learn something new, why wouldn't my one and three year olds? 

It's easy to get frustrated when I'm explaining and demonstrating the same concept over and over.  But it's like learning Canon in D. Repeat short bar measures over and over until it's mastered. Then add a little more. Then practice the part that's already learned so you don't forget it. And slowly add more. I don't expect myself to play the whole song competently when I first sit down with the music. Neither should I expect my children to learn new concepts in one day. Learning takes time. 

So here's to more patience. For me and my children. 

Early K-3

I said a few weeks ago that we (Micah and I) were in unofficial school. And I really meant unofficial. I never call it "school" to Micah. I want him to think that learning is fun and normal, not shoved into a small corner of time called "school." However despite all that I did put some supplies in a basket. (Actually, it was linen bin I had in Kevin's closet.)

The Contents

We have our Bible story book and our "God Made the World" book in our basket. We read through this storybook when Micah was little but haven't use it for a while. He loves the other book. 

There are three number books. He especially likes "Ned's Number Book." It's very cute. And old. 

We have four alphabet books. He really enjoys them all but especially the big flip book at the bottom. 

Our Bible principle notebook that I made (and haven't finished- need some applicable stickers.)

A coloring book and a tracing workbook. We'll probably start "tracing" with our finger to begin with. 

I stuck two little books for Kevin in there. Micah loved the Mommy book when he was little and he really enjoys "The Hungry Caterpillar." We just bought it for Kevin.

Two little sets of flashcards. This is how I know Micah knows his colors :) 

And a color/shapes puzzle and an alphabet puzzle that we haven't really used yet. 

We don't work out of it every day but we read the number and alphabet books almost every day. He really enjoys reading so it's a fun way to teach him! We'll gradually add in more work with some of the other materials as we progress. 

The bin sits by the couch so it's easy to pick something out of it when we're reading and he frequently looks through it when the boys are playing. I like having it in the bin instead of the bottom of the bookcase because really, who wants to sit on the hard floor to read? Although it might help me stay awake...

The True Talents

A friend of mine emailed me and was feeling a little down about herself so I proceeded to tell her lots of wonderful things about herself. (People are always so willing to criticize and say negative things; why  not speak the positive?) And you know what was included in this list? She's caring, kind, reliable, hard-working, and loving. She is truly a wonderful lady and I love to be around her. People enjoy being in her presence. She cares about what you care about. Are those not the true talents in life?

We tend to value talents like being a great soloist, having great management abilities, being musically/athletically gifted, etc.  But those aren't the truly great things in life. Sure, if you have them they are great. Use them to the best of your ability to serve God but don't waste time feeling bad if you don't have those talents. There are talents we can all work on developing! Here are a few that I'm working on!

Be a good listener. One way of being well-liked is to be interested, not interesting. Interested people are focused on others and what they are saying. Interesting people are usually talking about themselves. (I've even started saying this to myself when someone is talking to me and I keep thinking of things to say about my life...'be interested, not interesting.' It reminds me to keep my mouth shut and let them talk!)

Be a discreet talker. Don't tell things about other people. Or for that matter too much about yourself. I read that a discreet lady is a praying lady. She can keep her mouth shut because she tells everything to Jesus. (Told you that reading program was a good idea!)

Be hard-working. Do a Bible study on work; God has a lot to say about it. And God's lady is not excluded. Pro. 31:13b says, "and worketh willingly with her hands." Work with the right attitude. Willing working has gone out of style; be different!

Be kind. Consider other people. Kindness has fallen by the wayside as people justify rudeness with "That's just the way I am." or "Well, it's true!" or "Just sayin'." None of those are a good excuse for hurting someone else's feelings or cutting them down behind their backs. God has a lot to say about our words too!

Be cheerful. Now seriously, how many cheerful people do you know? Most people are doom and gloom, or angry, or frustrated, or discontent, or...you get the idea! The Bible even says that mothers are joyful! (Ps. 113:9)

There are many well-loved people who have a great impact for Christ that have no great apparent talent. But they do have all the other character qualities that draw people to them and allow Christ to shine through their lives. And we can all work on these things. We can't all be great ball players, or pianists, or soloists, or public speakers, or writers. But we can all be kind, joyful, enthusiastic, caring, hard-working, etc. I want to focus on the right things that God can use my entire life!

Thoughts on Sickness

Micah and I have been a little under the weather the past few days. I think it was a sinus/allergy issue. I could have quickly (at least more quickly) resolved mine with NyQuil and almost round the clock sleep. But Micah didn't seem up for around the clock sleep! :)  But God has a reason for everything and there were several things I thought on while I was sick.

1. I am so thankful for my health!! So many people struggle with chronic illnesses and fatigue issues. I am so blessed with good health most of the time even when I'm pregnant. It is a privilege to be able to manage my responsibilities and take care of what God has given me.

2. I have a wonderful husband! He has checked on me and taken care of me and picked up many of my responsibilities while I was sick. And smiled the whole time! He loves me and our boys very much!

3. I can Not-do all my scheduled work and the world will not fall apart. I know, a no-brainer, right? But I'm a list-maker and I love to check things off my list! But if it doesn't all get done the house does not explode. My husband does not get upset. And I don't think the little boy even notices. Probably a good thing to be learning!

While I was glad to think on those things, I'm even more glad to be feeling better! I'll probably take things half-pace today and hopefully be at it this weekend!

Learning

I was reading Proverbs 9 yesterday (you can read the Proverb that corresponds to the day of the month and read the book every month) and noticed something about the two personified ladies in this chapter. "Wisdom" works. She's learned how to do different things and employs them on a regular basis for God's work. "Foolish" is ignorant. The end of verse 13 actually says "she is simple, and knoweth nothing."She is not learning anything; she's content where she is with what she's (not) doing.

My goal is to strive for God's wisdom for my life. It's easy to see that God's ladies are busy working, doing many different things with their talents. Read Proverbs 31 and list the many abilities that this lady possessed. Our Pastor has constantly told us that we need to be reading and learning or we will stagnant. So where am I growing?

1. In the Bible- I spend time in the Bible every day. I listen to my Pastor's messages when I'm at church and also from the archives online. I read good books by great Christians that push me.

2. Piano- My pastor's wife has been instrumental in teaching me to play the piano. Another lady at church has loaned me some technique books that I have started working through.

3. Cooking- I read several cooking blogs and get tips from other cooks. I try new recipes and techniques. I'm expanding even more as I'm cooking low-protein for Micah.

These are just a few areas that I'm really focusing on right now. There are other areas that are harder to label or measure, such as being a better wife and a more effective mother. I also have some longer-term goals for the next 2-5 years. I hope to learn more about gardening and putting away food. I want to learn to sew. I'd like to learn about photography as well. But if I can only grow in three areas, I want it to be the three I've listed above.

Where are you growing? Do you have a plan to keep growing or to start growing?

>