This Christmas I snuggled my almost four month old while he napped. I watched his green hospital issue pacifier move up and down as he sucked quietly. I felt his tiny fist tightly grasping my shirt. His eyes occasionally focused on me as if to reassure himself that I was still there before they drooped again. The Christmas tree lights twinkled beside me as I listened to my husband and little boy play. It was a perfect moment that passed all too quickly. I remember holding my first born like that as well. Almost every single evening I cradled him in my arms while he took a short nap. He'll be three in a few months. Right now he cuddles on the couch after his nap while we watch VeggieTales. Every now and then he'll turn around and give me a kiss. One day he will no longer do that. My children will grow up and live their own lives. And they should. But that knowledge makes these moments bittersweet to me.
My husband and I have many comforting routines in our marriage. We laugh and share funny stories. We kiss. We cuddle on the couch and watch Star Trek. We encourage each other and serve together. And while my husband will not outgrow me, I have no guarantees about the length of his life or mine. These precious moments will one day be just memories for one of us.
Yes, we are both wearing the same shirt.
I don't want to live life in the past. And while I plan and dream and prepare I don't want to live in the future either. I want to live every day storing up these memories in my heart and creating a beautiful home for my family to build memories. I don't mean magazine-style beauty but peace, order, love, and joy. A home centered around God where others are loved, accepted, and pointed to Jesus. That dreams stirs my heart each morning. That dream shapes my days as homemaker, wife, and mother. In the moments of chaos and weariness I can find purpose in my work. Serving. Loving. Building. And one day when I'm gone and all that's left of me here is memories my family will be able to treasure these days that we are living now.
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